A Romantic in the Wrong Era

It’s like having a really lame superpower.

But it only works occasionally.

And it really freaks you out.

I like to procrastinate by planning how my house will look when I’m 30. It always starts out nice but then I remember how much I hate housework and suddenly I’m on Hoarders refusing to give up my 29th cat.

I’m more stressed about that than my maths exam tomorrow.

• Whatever you do, don’t just show up at their house…they run around in their underwear just like we do.
• Don’t cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out. 
• Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn’t even wait for the dang hat.
• Never miss an opportunity to tell them they’re beautiful.
• Don’t refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it’s because they’re jealous.
• If they slap you hard, you deserved it. 
• Don’t be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they’re going out with you in the first place, it’s because they like being in your arms.
• Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales. 
• Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time! 
• Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it’s not a serious relationship.
• Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you’re dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren’t dropping her off, call to be sure she’s home safely.
• If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the you know what out of him. Maybe not literally, but do what it takes to make it stop.
• If you’re talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
• Never, ever slap her, even if it’s just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, “Oh, you’re so dumb” or something, never make any gestures back. 
• Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn’t care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
• You’re dead meat if you can’t get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals. 
• Don’t flirt with their moms…that’s just freaky.
• If you don’t like the way they drive, you do it.
• If you’re officially dating, and you’re introducing her to your friends, you better be introducing her as your girlfriend. 
• Don’t stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.
• If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
• Girls are fragile. Even if you’re play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
• Memorize their birthdays for goodness sakes. You forget her birthday and you’re basically screwed for life. 
• Don’t marinade the cologne, but smell good.
• Don’t give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine’s day. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. 
• If you think the relationship isn’t going to last, don’t wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out. 
• After you’ve been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.